Who is Your Secret Relationship?
ByYou know the phrase, “how can you live with yourself”?
This is most often said by someone who is in their judgment and means to instill guilt upon you. But that’s not the subject for this article. What I want to do is remove one word from that sentence, change it from a question to a statement and have you take a peek at:
“How you live with yourself”. Just one word makes such a difference.
There is no escaping it; you live with yourself from first to final breath. You are your closest relationship.
I was recently made aware (during a session with a coach) of the fact that there is a very important part of me that was desperately desiring to slow dance, to internally hum in harmony with rainbows, moon rises, opening rosebuds and trickling streams. However, the rest of me was doing the can-can, racing up ladders, playing tag with myself and in an unending game of hide and seek.
Whew! Talk about conflicting values. And I even had these values written down and still did not see it! That’s why coaches have a coach. We can be so blind when it comes to seeing in ourselves what is obvious to us in our clients.
Then my coach suggested I needed to ‘integrate’ these parts of myself. Up to this point our session was dealing with me and my business, however she instinctively knew that my conflict didn’t have much to do with my business and within the time it took her to ask me one short question everything flipped and the true conflict was revealed.
Our minds are heavily weighted on the sub-conscious side with over 80% of it under the conscious level and when something pops up through the fog into the clarity of consciousness that is when miracles can happen for you.
Then you have intimacy: in-to-me-see, and can have a close personal relationship with yourself.
Now you can integrate: in-to-grace, those parts of yourself that divide you and cause conflict. Sounds Heavenly, doesn’t it? Intimacy and integration; into me see and into grace.
How do you live with yourself? How do you treat your best friend – you? Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually; what might be lurking just below the consciousness radar?
You’re undoubtedly aware of the ways and means to have a healthy body, how to educate your mind, what emotions you feel and how you are spiritually minded on a conscious level. Then there is the subconscious level which is always giving you clues. Let’s look at some possibilities:
- When you are shopping for food or choosing from a menu, what foods do you instinctively gravitate toward? Proteins, carbohydrates, fats? Have you ever asked yourself ‘why’?
- Look at your surroundings. What state are your living conditions in? Clean, messy, dusty, neat, cluttered, dark, light? How does your environment make you feel? Secure, uncomfortable, welcome, lost?
- Look at a map of the world. Where do you live? What kind of weather does it have? Ever wondered why you live there, I mean really live there, not the answer you would give to other people?
- You read a book, watch a TV program, see a movie. Can you identify the emotions it triggered? All the emotions, not just one. Where did these emotions come from? Have you ever asked yourself this?
- When someone says ‘spirit’ or ‘God’ or ‘religion’ how do you react? What are your facial expressions, body language, mental images? Are you even aware of them?
So much of our living is done on autopilot. Our minds are like gerbils racing on their wheel. It’s either focused on worrying or dreaming in the future or stuck in the past certainly nowhere near the present moment. At times we find the coffee cup full of coffee sitting in the fridge when we intended to put it in the microwave to heat it. We put the clothes in the dryer and didn’t turn it on. We swear we did something when the physical proof we didn’t is right in front of our disbelieving eyes.
So who are you living with? If you really want to know who your ‘best friend’ and constant companion is, not your roles, not your characteristics or personality, all you really have to do is develop a new awareness, one that is in the present moment. Your sub-conscious constantly leaks clues, even in dreams which are usually symbolism, but by simply asking yourself some different kinds of questions, you can reveal astounding stuff. Just like my coach did with me. Your answers may not ‘pop’ immediately, but they have gone out to the Universe and the Universe always answers, just be aware and listen.
If we want the people in our other relationships to understand us, to know us, respect us, communicate with us, love us, first we have to have all these things with ourselves. Every relationship begins with the one you have with you. Get to know you, you’re great!
Goal suggestion: “I am getting to know me more and more every day.”
Keep on Goaling!
© Lynn Moore
Lynn,
Truly knowing ourselves and treating ourselves with respect and as the highest priority in our life is so important. Many people feel guilty about this but I’ve learned that if don’t take care of ourselves first, we have very little to give to anyone else.
I love that you are celebrating you and taking note of what you really want and how you live.
Congrats and Write on!~
Lisa
Lynn,
Acknowledging the present and what I am feeling and how I am living now is so foreign to most people. They are always thinking about tomorrow or sometime in the future…thinking I’ll be happy then or I’ll relax when…taking care of ourselves now and enjoying where we are in life is so valuable and makes life so much more meaningful. Great article. Thank you.
Dr. Robert Fenell
Magnificent Lynn – a wonderful article – I was ready to read this. And yes I could relate – only recently I put a blouse in the fridge when I should have been ironing it!
I am starting to learn about the real me – it is a process and none to easy but all the smoother at least for articles like this one
Hugs
H
Lynn, you have made such critically important points. We can learn so much from knowing ourselves deeply, and acknowledging our “shadow” voices.
Sue Painter
Wow! This SO sounds like everything I say to my clients. The whole person concept is vital to truly LIVE this life, and not be on autopilot, as you say. Great read — thanks!
- Carmen
Carmen@GetOrganized´s last blog ..Get Organized: Bye, Bye Drop Zone!
So right on target Lynn.
“Now is the only time. How we relate to it creates the future” Pema Chodron
I constantly am practicing “being” in present time. It is a process. Thanks!
Anita
Anita G. Wheeler´s last blog ..Geneen Roth “What Are You Hungry For? Hint: It’s Not Food”
Lynn, I love the reminder to not live on “autopilot”. being aware and accepting — who knew our articles would go so well together!
All best,
Grace
Thanks so much for your comment Lisa! Yes, if there is not water in the well, everyone goes thirsty.
True Dr. Bob and the older we get the less future we have! It’s kind of a wake-up call to enjoy the moments while we have them. Thanks for your comment.
Lynn
Oh Heidi, you had me guffawing at your blouse in the fridge!! I had not heard that one before. So pleased you got some value from the article. Thanks so much for your comment (and the giggles!).
Lynn
Sue, it seems we spend most of our lives getting to know ourselves. Be great if we could leave that wisdom for someone in our wills! Thanks for your comment.
Lynn
Happy to hear you are on the same track with your clients Carmen! Thanks for your comment.
Lynn
Such a very wise woman is Pema Chodron, Anita. Thanks for sharing this quote from her.
Lynn
Now I’m really looking forward to your article this week Grace! Will be reading all the postings tomorrow and over weekend. Thanks so much for your comment.
Lynn
Great thoughts, Lynn!! (I agree it is important even for us coaches to have coaches, but I digress!!) I love your suggested goal: “I am getting to know me more and more every day.” SUCH a beautiful journey, that of self-discovery! Thanks for being more and more you! Katherine
Life Blossoming Systems
Lynn,
I really enjoyed your article. It made me think about how
we don’t really pay attention to the relationship with
ourselves on a conscious level, it’s very unconscious.
Great thoughts!
Linda
Hi Lynn,
Thanks for your article!
Thorough out my life I have traveled around the world, and during one of my trips, I realized “oh my gosh!, no matter where I go I bring myself with me.”
I was referring to the feeling of always having the same inner world dynamic no matter where I was.
It really does all start with being able to live with yourself within.
Wow Lynn, this is so provocative! I love the into me see and into grace. Have to say, when you said look around, and I did, I saw that part of my surroundings really don’t support me. This is going to be an interesting process.
Terry
I had to giggle Terry as I imagined you looking around you
! Let me know how your process ends up. I’m curious. thanks for your comment, Lynn
How great Laura that you were able to discover that yourself. I have often shared with people that there is no escape from problems by moving to a new location because you take the same head with you. Thanks for your comment!
Lynn
Thanks Linda! So true and we know what lurks in the unconscious unless we consciously put it there! All kinds of limiting beliefs. Thanks for your comment!
Lynn
Katherine I’m beginning to think of you every time I see gorgeous flowers. Isn’t it nice to know you have such energy? Now put that in your conscious knowledge of your self. Thanks for commenting!
Lynn
Lynn,
I agree with your write up. Self confidence and belief in your self , your mission , why you do what you do , all are the basis for our success.
Mitch
Mitch Tublin´s last blog ..Entrepreneurs Find Inspiration From Sports
Thanks Mitch, of course I agree!
Lynn
Get off the gerbil wheel and get your heart into the game of life! Great post, Lynn…you have been on fire lately!
I really like the question towards the end – “So who are you living with?”
Very powerful and a very deep one for me right now…thanks!
Phil
Phil Dyer´s last blog ..Three Truths to Transforming Your Business and Your Life
Hey Phil, so pleased you related to this post! And thanks for the ‘hot’ compliment!:-)
Lynn