2 Powerful Relationship Goals!
By
While visiting Hubby in the hospital one day last week and as I was leaving a woman was walking out the door just in front of me. She was crying and I could sense she was just holding on long enough so that she didn’t break into sobs before she got outside.
My heart went out to her as we exited the doorway. She turned to the right, leaned over a railing, placed her face into her hands and broke down allowing those sobs to surface. I placed my hand gently on her arm and asked her if I could be of any help. Through her sobs she said, “My mother is dying.” What I wanted to do was gather her into my arms and just let her cry but we don’t know how people are when it comes to being receptive to touch so I just softly moved my hand a few inches up and down her upper arm.
One of the toughest passages a person travels in this lifetime is losing a parent and having lost both of mine, I related with this woman on a deep heart level. She talked; I listened and nodded while surrounding her with compassion and learned about her. She was from out of town, considered herself the black sheep of the family, mourned that her mother was only 65 years old, had already had five heart attacks and her body was breaking down. All that and this woman’s sister was treating her with anger and disrespect even while they were both mourning their mother’s imminent demise.
This has to be one of the saddest things, family squabbles carried to the death bed of a loved one and all because of judgment, misunderstanding, misinformation and the self-defeating game of needing to be ‘right’. Where did love go? Actually it’s still there or the emotions these sisters are experiencing, even though destructive, couldn’t be.
Well, that’s a subject for another column, but the points I want to make here are two things; the length of a relationship is not the most important aspect and, let one of your relationship goals be to feel compassion for any other human being who is in pain. That includes strangers and people close to you.
This woman and I spent only 5 minutes together. During that time, as we talked, she must have said ‘thank you’ to me at least 3 times. This was a very short relationship, but we connected very deeply and very quickly. We will both remember it. She had a friend coming to be with her so I waited with her and before I went my way I asked her first name and gave her my card saying, “If you need someone to talk with while you are here in town please feel free to call me. I am a life coach, specializing in relationship goals and any time you spend talking with me is complementary.” We were both uplifted by that short time together.
Any interaction you have with another person is a ‘relationship’. They can be short and powerful like this one, long and secure, casual and friendly, short and nasty, long and destructive, almost any combination of words we can put together. And of such great importance, I say once more, if the relationship goals are not being met, other goals are a struggle and pretty much impossible. Because….all that you want to do, be and have will at some point be in the hands of other people. If it seems that you have heard me say this previously it’s because I have. I say it often.
Here are a couple of suggestions for relationship goals:
- “I feel compassion for a fellow human being who is in pain.” Pain can be expressed as tears, anger, depression, a façade of bravery (“I’m fine”) and so many other ways.
- “I validate the feelings of others”. Not to talk them out of their feelings. Acknowledgment and understanding rack up miles of Buddha Points!
As Miguel Ruiz puts it so succinctly in his book “The Four Agreements”, ‘Don’t Take Anything Personally’. People speak out or lash out from their pain center, not at you.
Keep on Goaling!
Lynn – SO sweet of you to reach out, when so many would have looked the other way. It was serendipitous! I love what you say about having compassion and validating the other person’s thoughts and feelings…it’s so important to do, especially w/o judgment.
– Thanks! Carmen
Carmen@GetOrganized´s last blog ..Get Organized: Do You Feed Your Clutter?
Reading the recount of your story was so vivid I could feel my own emotions welling up with tears.
The beauty of deep emotions is they do create openings for deeper connections with people, and in your case with a stranger.
real human connection is priceless
Thanks Lynn!
p.s. hope your husband is alright!
What a lucky gal to have run into you in the hospital right at that moment of despair! Katherine
Life Blossoming Systems
Thank you Carmen! Some small things can be really big things and all I do is treat people the way I would want to be treated. If it were me I would want to be comforted. Really appreciate your comment Carmen.
Lynn
Yes Laura, those are wise words, ‘Real Human Connection’. That’s what we are here to experience.
My hubby is fine. He had a shoulder injury and a surgeon had to re-attach two tendons which had been torn off. It has to be immobile for about a month so his wing has been clipped so to speak but he starts physio next week.
Thanks for your comment.
Lynn
Then I think we were both lucky Katherine. She gave me a gift too. Thanks for your comment!
Lynn
It was beautiful to see my wife’s family be in complete peace and love while surrounding her father’s hospital bed. Five children, 3 brothers, one grandmother, wife, 3 son in laws, sister in law and grand babies. I can’t imagine what this poor lady was going through. I am glad she had you to comfort her.
Dr. Robert Fenell
Repetitive Strain Injuries
Dr. Robert Fenell´s last blog ..Repetitive Strain Injuries-DeQuervain’s Tendonitis
what is it they say the universe provides the support we need in the moment we need it as long as we are open to it – that certain was the case here – people come into our lives for a season, a reason or a lifetime – relationships exist on many levels for many reasons – Joy & Blessings to you Lyn that you were in the exact space you were supposed to be in the exact moment you were supposed to be there.
Hope hubby is ok too
Love & success
Terri Cook
What a beautiful reminder of the vulnerability of those around us and to remember to not take things personally; relationships flow so much smoother when this is remembered!
Patricia Selmo´s last blog ..Play and Its Importance to The Woman Spiritual Leader
Lynn,
Thanks for sharing this absolutely lovely and touching story. Your compassion shines through in everything you do.
Write on!~
Lisa
Thank you Lisa! You’re so sweet with your comment.
Lynn
Thanks Patricia, I’m on a mission to help people become more aware of this!
Lynn
Many thanks for your comment Terri. Yes, Hubby is fine, his third shoulder repair but successful.
Lynn
Dr. Bob, the visual you drew with your words is one of such love and caring. This is the epitome of family and I’m so very happy it was this way for Kiyla and you. Thanks for sharing.
Lynn
Lynn – It is amazing what powerful connections we can make in just a few heartbeats. I really like your suggestions at the end as well.
As an aside, my wife and I were in the grocery store today and I passed a very elderly man in a motorized shopping cart and his wife. He had a “WWII Veteran” hat and must have been around 90. About 20 steps later, I felt a profound urge to connect with this veteran from another era, went back, thanked him for his service, shook his hand and wished he and his wife a blessed Memorial Day weekend. The look of gratitude in his eyes and the smile that lit up his wife’s face made my whole day.
What if each of us – once a day in the course of our busy lives – just made time to make one connection? I think the world would be a much better place…
Phil
Phil Dyer´s last blog ..Enter the Entrepreneurial “No Fear” Zone…
Great comment Phil! I got goose bumps reading about your interaction with the elderly Veteran. Good for you! Wish people would do more of that, both parties benefit tremendously. Thanks for sharing.
Lynn
Get Clear Goals with Lynn Moore´s last blog ..2 Powerful Relationship Goals!
Dear Lynn I love your comment “Any interaction you have with another person is a ‘relationship’.” To be honest I have never thought of it in this way – I would have said an interaction, a meeting or a passing moment. The instant I consider all these encounters instead as “relationships” I feel a shift inside me about the way to approach them.
You have given me a new insight and learning. Thank you that is a gift!
In gratitude
Heidi Alexandra Pollard
The Living Leaders Advocate
Congratulations on following through on the urge to offer compassion where it was so desperately needed, Lynn! So often the moments arise and we talk ourselves out of taking the action. You were there when someone needed you and you showed up. Kudos! And, Phil, how great that you trusted your intuition and spoke to that veteran. You never know when the smile or handshake you offer is exactly what is needed!
What a compassionate and giving tribe we have here!
Blessings,
Rosemary
The Scientific Mystic
Absolutely beautiful, Lynn! What a wonderful gift you gave to that woman in pain. Thank you also for the reminder about the message from “The Four Agreements”:‘Don’t Take Anything Personally’. How many splintered relationships could be saved if we all remembered this?!
Keep shining your light …
Much love,
Jenny
Jenny Fenig´s last blog ..Happy birthday, sweet sister in heaven
Heidi, I feel so honored that you shared this with me. To have been able to give you this gift of knowledge is truly a fulfillment of my purpose. Isn’t it powerful when we feel that kind of ‘shift’ happen inside?!
xo
Lynn
Get Clear Goals with Lynn Moore´s last blog ..2 Powerful Relationship Goals!
Yes Jenny, there is so much incredible knowledge from such spirit-centered people. If we could but live only by Miguel Ruiz’s simplicity, our world would shift into a paradise! Thanks so much for your comment!
xo Lynn
Get Clear Goals with Lynn Moore´s last blog ..2 Powerful Relationship Goals!
Thanks do much for your comment Rosemary. Yes, too often I have talked myself out of what intution has told me to do. I do it much less now and the reward is so worth it!
Lynn
Lynn,
At the bus stop this week, sitting next to a beautiful young woman. She took a call on her cell, and while I wasn’t eavesdropping, I couldn’t help but understand she was getting a message about someone’s imminent passing. When she finished her call she just put her head back and took several deep breaths.
As you say, we can’t do much. What I could do was tell her how sorry I was for her soon to be loss, and how I understood that it was painful. Her response was a nod, and a few moments later a ‘thank you’.
I think it was important in that one moment for her to NOT experience sitting alone on a bus bench.
Bless your beautiful heart Terry. If media would report the incidences of human kindness as much as the incidences of human negativity. Well it certainly can start with blogs!
Thank you so much for sharing this. xo
Lynn
Lynn,
Appreciate you sharing you compassion filled story.
Phil – Wish more people would do this – I had a few similar interactions over the last few days. It is the ‘least’ we can do for a few minutes out of our day.
All The Best,
Mitch
Mitch Tublin´s last blog ..Entrepreneurs Find Inspiration From Sports